Comments on: Is the decision to have children- Selfish? Or not to have, Selfless?

By: Emory Landgraf

Emory Landgraf — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 13:48:36 +0000

Physical activity is sweet for reproductive health furthermore your overall health. Although don’t overdo it. Men who exercise to exhaustion show a brief change in hormone levels and a drop in sperm quality.

By: camillecares

camillecares — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 18:44:17 +0000

Thank you for reading my post and responding. It really means a lot to me, to hear of your personal story.
Back when I wrote this post, I was dealing with some hardship in my family. One of my cousin’s had given birth to her daughter, who is turning 3 this year while at the same time, my older sister had lost her baby within the first trimester. I think the loss was extemely hard to deal with and only my sister knows what she really felt during the entire experience.
I am a sister of 3 to the same mother, but eldest sister of 5 of my father’s children. I count a lot of people as extended family and friends and I am happy for them all. In my own time, I plan to have children. My decision to want to have children is a selfish one, as I want to create a being with another person for my own genes to continue to flourish and stay on the earth. It is almost like being born again when you have children, grandchildren and so forth.
I wish you the best and as we both know, not having children does not mean you hate children. It means that you decided one way not the other. There is still time and there is always adoption, because when you start to think of the thousands of children who are brought into this world unwillingly, it is almost best to know if you want or you don’t want.

By: uncertain

uncertain — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 03:42:12 +0000

I’m the second of four children. I’ve had discussions with my sister about my mother’s need to have children and pets around her. We came to the conclusion that my mother felt the need to have children because she was deeply insecure, lacked affection in her own childhood, and needed to feel in control.
All through my childhood, I don’t remember my mother being happy.
I remember after I got caught doing something she disapproved of, she grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me and said “I wish I never had you!”
We were basically abused and neglected, and made to leave the house shortly after our 18th birthday, each one of us.
I’m 36, now, and I haven’t had children of my own.
During my fertile years, I resisted becoming pregnant because I did not want to get into a situation similar to my Mother’s. I also didn’t want to subject any children I may have had to any unstable tendecies I might have inherited from my mother.
Now, I have to deal with the assumptions of men. They think that I don’t like children, because I don’t have any.
Really, it was the most responsible thing, on my part, NOT to have children.
But, I guess people are going to make judgements either way.

By: Mango

Mango — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:45:51 +0000

I think it’s very wise NOT to have children. Is it selfish to NOT have children? Depends on what you consider selfish. Is it selfish TO HAVE children? Again, depends on what you consider selfish. But to NOT have children is sparing onseself a LOT of unneeded stress in life. Plus, just because someone gave US life, doesn’t mean that we are obligated to continue the cycle. People can be just as happy without kids. My husband and I personally decided NOT to have kids and as the years go by, I re-affirm my desire to abstain from having kids. Never once have I ever desired it!

By: melange8

melange8 — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:07:01 +0000

I believe that it can be both a selfish and selfless act to have a child depending on the circumstances. Some people plan to have a child when it fits into their life plan. After they have partied their life away, traveled the world, married their love and placed themselves in a good financial position. After accomplishing most of what they want in their life the time has reached for them to give themselves fully to another human being. Yes when you get married you give yourself to someone else but when you give birth to a child you give up a lot of things in your life so you can give them everything you had and more. The selfless act of having a child may not always happen in that manner. Sometimes it is by accident and the person(s) realize that it was their mistake for not planning but they do not think a child should suffer because of that and vow to give themselves fully to this new life. They could have taken another route and aborted the child but chose not to because they are selfless and not selfish. I believe it is selfish when people think that having a child will fill the empty void they have in their life or to hold on to some one. They at that point are only thinking about themselves.

By: blueflowertattoo

blueflowertattoo — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:56:03 +0000

In my personal opinion I think the majority of people are not committing a selfless act when actively or accidentally procreating. To accidentally end up pregnant means one was not responsible enough to use birth control. To plan on getting pregnant is sometimes what most women do to secure and fulfill their place in marriage. I think very few people have children because they believe it is the right thing to do… to procreate… and then sacrifice their own well-being for the betterment of a future generation. To have a child should mean accepting the responsibility that the good of the child and the family always takes precedence over self (the parent[s]). With accidental and poorly planned pregnancies this responsibility may or may not occur as an afterthought. My parents adopted me. They wanted children for all the right reasons. My parents were selfless before adopting and they had to prove this over and over in many ways to Catholic Social Services before they were able to receive a child. My parents were so model perfect that they make Ward and June Cleaver look like very bad people. I was not only loved because I was wanted, I was and still am, loved completely and unconditionally by my parents. I am almost 40 years old now. My parents still amaze me by how unconditionally they love me. I believe it is because they made a choice. That choice was that family was important to them, therefore they made all the right choices to get a family and they followed through on all their decisions. Nothing about how I was brought up or loved was ever an afterthought. My parents wanted a child so they could love me and teach me to love. They never wanted or needed anything in return. They fulfilled each others needs as the two adults in the relationship. As a grown up their only wish for me is to have security in happiness and health, with enough financial freedom to be independent rather than dependent on any outside forces. I think most people think they will have a child to receive love from their child. My parents see the glory in teaching me to love and passing on the skill and knowledge rather than returning it to them. As a parent one should pass something greater onto their child rather than expect the child to fulfill some void in the parent. Although I love my parents dearly, they are not empty or needy in anyway that they require me (their child) to return their love, rather they expect a much more profitable return…that I was nurtured and loved and as an adult feel secure enough to pass it along to future generations. I believe everyone should have to pass and/or fulfill the same reqiurements as adoptive parents do to get pregnant at all. There really should be a requirement to getting pregnant and having a child beside functioning ovaries and donor sperm; children deserve so much more. I mean think about it… if a couple cannot pass all the requirements to adopt a child why should they be allowed to HAVE a child just because their basic procreation organs are intact??? It may have been okay when the World was sparsely populated and precreation was vital to continued human existance… but we hardly have that problem anymore. As intelligent beings, shouldn’t we adjust our standards to a higher level? And if we do not adjust, what does that say about us as a compassionate, caring, selfless species? I do not intend to consider increasing intelligence and good DNA, rather I only suggest letting appropriate parents become parents… all others must take classes until they reach such an appropriate standard. Once again I will state that children deserve no less or they deserve to not be subjected to a substandard upbringing with substandard parents.

By: 99ppp

99ppp — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 20:08:38 +0000

I’m not sure I would frame the decision to have children as selfish or unselfish. I thought of it as personal and environmental/community criteria when making that decision. I decided NOT to have children, and I will elaborate in greater detail on my blog next week. In the meanwhile you can check out The Stork:

http://99ppp.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/the-stork-animation-on-overpopulation/